Baby Bug Report

So this blog post comes from a conversation I had at SEP's game night a few weeks ago...this is what happens when you let a software tester into a conversation about babies.

Enjoy!

List of defects for Human 0.0.1 (Iteration BABY):

Note: Guys, I know it's an early build, but still, maybe we should have held off until the next iteration or two...maybe we should shelve this until iteration TEENAGER...

1. Incorrect size.

    The baby does not meet minimum sizing standards, as stated in the requirements doc. Reference HMO_SPN_SZE

2. Facial I/O port does not follow communication standards

    Even checking for localization, none of the commands given to the test unit resulted in the expected behavior (though some giggling and drooling was observed), likewise, the unit could not communicate functionally. Reference HMO_SPN_TLK
   
3. Unit fails to correctly store inputs

    Sometimes, after feeding inputs into the unit, the inputs are rejected, usually expelled somewhat violently (and messily, my work station has needed cleaning frequently this week). Used inputs BRST_MLK and STRND_PEAS, as recommended in the documentation. References HMO_SPN_VMT
   
4. Unexpected Outputs requires DIAPER workaround

    My test unit exhibited frequent (and odiferous) unexpected outputs, despite several attempts to debug, I have not found the source of the issue, but at least with the DIAPER workaround, I can continue my testing with a minimum of mess. Reference HMO_SPN_POO
   
5. Volume control is broken

    At various points, the Unit seemed to encounter an error, and emited an audible message (see next defect for more details) and I was unable to find the configuration for turning down the volume of this warning. While I cannot find a specific requirement on this, I've made a change request...as I doubt our users wish to be deafened. See Change Request CR_CRYBBY
   
6. Audible warning message too generic

    At various points, the unit requires inputs, changing of the DIAPER workaround, etc. It emits a piercing noise for each of these. The error message, however, is generic, and should be tailored to each fault. Reference HMO_SPN_WAIL
   
7. Unit has virtually no security

    During testing, I noticed that the test unit frequently caught viruses, specifically DIAPER RASH, SNIFFLES, COLIC. While the unit recovers, the process is pricy, requiring specialists. Reference HMO_SPN_SCK

8. Locomotion is impaired

    While trying to execute the command WALK, the unit was unresponsive (save for some drool and gurgling). I then attempted the simpler command CRAWL, still no response. I believe this to be a separate bug than #2, though I could be wrong, as I have no way to verify it is receiving my commands. Reference HMO_SPN_TDDL

9. Installation time is far too long
   Installation of the Test Unit took 9 months. Even after attempting to allocate more resources, this was still the case. During this time, the installation hardware also seemed far more sluggish and unresponsive to certain request. The last part of the installation was the worst, with much hard drive thrashing and almost violent reactions from the hardware. Please investigate. Reference HMO_SPN_LBR

10. General lack of functionality

    After extensive testing, the test unit seems to have little to no redeeming qualities, simply sucking up resources. While I normally don't like to give suggestions, this time I do have a Modest Proposal for its usefulness in the current state...